Bullet-shaped headphones? No thanks.

Today Facebook considered me a target market for headphones shaped like 9mm bullets, advertised under the heading "Guy Gear. Dirt Cheap." I guess I fall under this heading because I am 1) registered with Facebook as a male and 2) am interested in inexpensive items. These earbud headphones are produced by a company called Munitio (their logo cleverly places crosshairs in the 'o'). Below is their product:

While I am not opposed to being a target market, especially considering that I have always loved television, I was disappointed to see a life-destroying object molded into an accessory with which I am supposed to listen to music. I really like music. But I like living even more. As a result, mixing weapon imagery with the enjoyment of music just doesn't sit right with me.

This is how Munitio describes their product:


The next evolution of the 9mm earphone takes the rugged, tactical aspects of the original to the next level, while keeping the superior audio elements intact. These MUNITIO Billets™ are machined out of aircraft-grade aluminum with clean, anodized finishes. Best-in-class performance with an in-line mic and lightweight frame. The perfect field device for music, communications and mobile gaming.

These headphones probably sound great. I'm not being sarcastic. Interestingly, they are called "billets" as opposed to bullets. I don't know what a 9mm "billet" is. From that picture, however, I think you'll agree that no one is fooled by what I imagine is an intentional misspelling.

In keeping with Munitio's excellent job describing how their bullet-shaped headphones work, I have prepared a short primer describing how bullet-shaped bullets work. I learn best with pictures so that's how I have chosen to present this topic.

Let's begin:

These are some 9mm bullets:

They are projected at a rate between 300 to 400 meters/second (that's three to four football fields in one second!) out of a 9mm handgun like this one:

Ok, now this is where things literally get messy. As they cross those football fields they must stop somewhere and do something. Below is a description of where they might end up and what might happen.

Some of these links are very graphic so please click with caution.

1. Gunshot wound to the head with partial brain evisceration

2. Another gunshot wound to the head but this time the victim, former White House Press Secretary James Brady survived. He was shot during the attempted assassination of President Ronald Reagan in 1981. He is now blind, uses a wheelchair and will likely never walk again. He and his wife still crusade for handgun control and have been featured prominently in the light of the 2011 attempted assassination of Representative Gabrielle Giffords.

3. In these photos, Maria Santos Gorrostieta, the Mayor of Tiquicheo, Mexico presents her gunshot wounds and subsequent colostomy placement after surviving two assassination attempts in the last two years.

Having a permanent colostomy means that her colon was so damaged that she must now use an apparatus like the one shown below to safely collect and dispose of her own feces for the rest of her life. Colostomy frequently causes chronic pain and is constantly at risk for infection without vigilant care.

You might be thinking, and understandably so, "Where is he going with this?"

Let me start with where I am NOT going:

1) I am uninterested in initiating a debate regarding our Second Amendment rights as that merits an entire article unto itself.

2) I uninterested in attempting to change the rules governing the demonstration of violent video games, television or film.

3) I am uninterested in starting a campaign against Munitio and their product. I realize that this company is not trying to promote violence. Sometimes good headphones are just good headphones. These headphones sound terrific as far as the reviews I've read.

My problem is that this company is capitalizing on the perceived sexiness of an item that frequently has very unsexy outcomes. As a result, my agenda is simple: I want bullets to seem unsexy. I want them to make you feel ill. Everyone has heard the tired maxim, "Guns Kill." There's something too clean about that phrase. I am more interested in maintaining a grisly mental image of what bullets actually do. A bullet can knock a brain out of a skull. A bullet, as Mr. Brady noted, can end that nasty habit of walking you've perfected. A bullet, as Mayor Gorrostieta demonstrates, may make you eligible for a warm, leaky, aromatic bag of feces placed close to your abdomen for the rest of your life. That's assuming your abdominal wounds aren't fatal, of course.

Munitio has craftily designed bullets that make music. That's within their rights. Let's just not forget what real bullets sound like.